I would like to say thank you

to the nuns and the priest who abused me when I was 6

thank you for doing that to me and if you would like

to see how I am just look out your window as I pass

by because I know where you live you old man

and to the sisters I would like to thank you for toughing

me up for later in life it was needed and I shook off all

comers and I took the pain you gave me when you stepped

on my 6 year old brown hand and told me to be still and

that God was watching me and when I finally confronted

that old man I slapped him across the face and in his eyes

I could see the lust he had for me those decades before

and now he weeps as the pain in his face changes and

I walk away still that little brown boy in need of comfort

and I know that I am who I am and to you abusers

you cannot have me

you cannot destroy me

I can do that all be myself thank you.

to the men who used me when I was 9 or 10

thank you for scaring me and giving me nightmares

as they still haunt me here at 56 in my little office

where I punch out poems to soothe the soul

where I can relive the torture of being touched by men

thank you and I will visit one day and go up to you

slap you

kick you

bite you

end you.

the music changes and I have some new kick ass

headphones and I can hear all the greats and remember

times when I was 15 and drinking and doing LSD and

tripping in a bar and watching a Pink Floyd cover band

and they were awesome and the bar was lit with very

cool lights and I was tripping and when it was over the

house lights came on and it was then that I realised

that the rest of the bar that night was full of fully

patched Outlaw bikers and there I was 15 and long hair

and brown skinned and tripping but they let me float on

out of there and into the streets and me and my friends

who were also tripping we floated home and as I am

here now I put on some blues and write some poems

about this or that.

I wanted to say thank you to all the girls I knew

when I was 14 and we all hung out on the weekends

and we did our best to be as drunk as we could and

there were such gentle moments I remember being with

a girl and we made love and giggled as those around us were

so wasted and they puked and they pissed themselves and

we still conquered our teenage years with best of them and

even today I remember each girl’s name and I remember

how we made love and how we drank until early morning

and I just want to thank them for loving me when I was 14

and so skinny and brown and long haired and not even sure

I liked myself back then and I am sure

I do not like me now

the edges are creepy

the hair is gone

the eyes are crooked

so is the nose

I weep myself

to write a poem for all you girls

even though

I know

I have

been

forgotten.